by Pam Wright personal coach and author of “The Fibromyalgia Coach” ISBN 9781906546

When you have started to adapt to life with a chronic illness, but you are still not feeling well, it’s all too easy to start believing that ‘this is it’ from now on. The good news is that although you may need to manage your present reality differently from the way you lived before you became ill, nothing remains static. Life is an ever-changing journey. So it’s up to you to decide whether you continue to work towards recapturing as much as possible of ‘the old you’ or make deliberate choices that enable you to forge a good life for ‘the new you’. Most people who are living successfully while managing illness find that a mixture of those two options works best. After all, you are still you, with all your experience, feelings, character and abilities. Slowing down, thinking, and making careful decisions based on your current needs can also be an opportunity for positive change. You may not have had the time or motivation to consider this before.

There is a necessary level of acceptance to be reached before it is possible to move forward. People all react differently to being stopped in their life tracks.

Some will simply feel that life has been unkind to them and they begin to take on the role of victim and sufferer. Both words are truly negative and emotive. The more you see yourself as a ‘poor thing’, the more your body language, your conversation and your whole demeanour in relationships will back up your thoughts. Becoming static in your views about your future can then lead to an ever-shrinking personal world.

On the other hand, if you refuse point blank to believe that you have anything wrong with you at all, and you tell yourself you should ‘snap out of it’ then you are likely to experience a roller coaster of emotion most of the time. The low times, when your symptoms get the better of you, will be made worse by frustration and lack of understanding.

The truly independent types also have their problems! If you refuse to ask for help until you have worked yourself into a state of anxiety you have probably made yourself unnecessarily worse and may also have managed to upset and worry everyone close to you (including children) in the process. There are better ways to cope with the normal feelings of guilt about not being able to be the way you want to be, or feel you ‘should be’.

For everyone, there is a necessary level of acceptance to be reached before it is possible to move forward with confidence. Some people defer this true acceptance by doing all that they can to make changes as quickly as possible believing that speed is of the essence in getting through the worst. They learn to pace themselves and do taster sessions on nearly every helping strategy or complementary therapy known to man. They are after the ‘quick fix’ cure. But there is no such thing at this time. Remember the story about the tortoise and the hare?

Many illnesses and conditions are not time related, nor are there any ‘do-this-do-that-and-you’ll-be- fine’ promises available. Every body reacts differently to medication and treatment; even to food and drink. It soon becomes apparent that money can’t buy health; money can only provide wider opportunities to experiment with gadgets, equipment, therapies, and talk to doctors for longer than the average 5 minutes. The acceptance ‘light bulb moment’ comes when moment that people really begin to understand that they need to be committed to themselves and their health for the long haul. Having truly accepted that, they then go on to make great progress in their self-management and life becomes more fun from there on in.

Central sensitivity syndromes like Fibromyalgia plus its associated conditions continue to be a journey of discovery for all of us. This journey is not only about how we handle the physical and mental stresses that the symptoms make us confront, it is also about how we handle the personal challenge of dealing with the present, letting go of some of the past and planning for the future realistically and positively.

So who knows you best? You know you best! You know how much you make compromises, pretend to like things, hide your true feelings, your tiredness your pain, or your emotions. You know how much you don’t say because you want a peaceful life, or you know how much you enjoy winding people up (for whatever reason). You also know where it hurts, and how you are making allowances for your energy loss. You are the one who knows if you are truly eating healthily or making excuses for having a poor diet. You know if you are affected by noise, touch, smells, food or even the weather. But as yet you may not be totally aware that you know these things, and that it is this sort of information that could help you regain control of your life instead of feeling that life controls you.

It is time to look in the mirror with enlightened eyes. You can choose to be however you want to be during this challenging time. You have more control than you think. What is stopping you actively accepting yourself positively and enjoying the ride of life as much as possible?

My all-new website www.pamwright.org provides more information on how my style of personal coaching can help you move forward and live life to the full with illness or disability. The website now has a translation button so that non-English speakers may also read and download free articles. It is an exciting step forward for me, and I look forward to even more interaction with my readers.
Pam